killing boredom

I wrote a something just now during one of my darkest moments,
I don't know if I should post it yet.

other than to kill the boredom,
I'm also trying to avoid all this negative energy.

so that's why I'm doing this,
is it always going to be like this every night? (when I'm not in uni)
just stay up late at night, doing nothing, waiting...
and answering survey questions that I randomly googled

Do you have any pets?
No.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Brown. Body Glove :)

Name three things that are physically close to you:
Laptop, bottle of water and keys

What is the last book you read?
A James Patterson novel if I'm not mistaken which I haven't finished yet

Are you or were you a good student?
Academically I was just average, my behavior was all over the place but I tried to stay out of trouble

What's your favorite sport?
Volley ball

Do you enjoy sleeping late?
Yes, I do. I feel like I work better creatively late at night.

What's the weather like right now?
It's a pretty cool night

Who tells the best jokes?
Jel, I haven't seen her for a couple of months and I remember that I've never laughed as hard as when I was with her. I love that babe.

What was the last thing you dreamed about?
About my previous post

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
I bumped into a car that was parked to the side once. it was my first crash sort of. I was bloody scared I didn't even stop to check if my car was okay

Do you believe in karma?
Very much yes. something will always come back and bite you in the ass, you'll see

Do you believe in luck?
Lately it's all been about luck so I guess yes since my luck's not looking too good

Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?
Scrambled

Do you collect anything? If so, what?
Movie tickets

Are you proud of yourself?
Not at the moment

Are you reliable?
I hope so

Have you ever given money to a bum?
Yes

What's your favorite food?
Fried chicken

Have you ever had a secret admirer?
I think so

Do you like the smell of gasoline?
Ummmm.... yes!

Do like to draw?
When I feel like it

What's your favorite invention?
The internet

Is your room messy?
It's my kinda mess

What do you like better: oranges or apples?
Apples

Do you give in easily?
Never

Are you a good guesser?
I hate guessing. I get easily annoyed by it

Can you read other people's expressions?
A bit yeah

Are you a bully?
I don't think so

Do you have a job?
I work for myself

What time did you wake up this morning?
10:30am

What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
Chicken rice

When was the last time you showered?
This morning

What do you plan on doing tomorrow?
Rest my drained body which has been detached from the local clock and be fresh by the time for a weeding tomorrow night

What's your favorite day of the week and why?
I like Wednesday for some reason

Do you have any nicknames?
Yes.

Have you ever been scuba diving?
No

What's your least favorite color?
Pink I guess

Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?
I think you can guess. I know I hate guessing but I just don't want to tell so you guess

Would you ever go skydiving?
It's one of the things I would like to do in life before I die

What toothpaste do you use?
Colgate

Do you enjoy challenges?
Yes, it helps me to become a better person

What's the worst injury you have had?
I was stabbed through my ribcage once

What do you want to know about the future?
I want stereotyping to stop

What does your last text message say?
something about an assignment on Monday

Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?
Ayang

What's your favorite school subject?
Literature I guess

What's your least favorite school subject?
History :P

Would you rather have money or love?
Love

What is your dream vacation?
somewhere where time stands still

What is your favorite animal?
cats

Do you miss anyone right now?
No

What's the last sporting event you watched?
I don't watch sport events

Do you need to do laundry?
No, everything's clean!

Do you listen to the radio?
Yes, I must have music all the time

Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Some where... I don't remember really

What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Curse at it, well actually I yell at it until everyone sees me then I walk away

Have you ever caught a butterfly?
In a jar yes

What color are your bed sheets?
still red

What's your ringtone?
Silly Love Song :D

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
The crazy girls this afternoon

Do you have any obsessions right now?
YES!

Do you like things that glow in the dark?
I used to. Now I hate it because I don't want anything to spoil the darkness

What's your favorite fruity scent?
Strawberry I guess

Do you watch cartoons?
Yep

Have you ever sat on a roof?
And got stuck on it

Have you ever been to a different country?
Yep

Name three things in the world you dislike:
Racism, Stereotyping, and Narrow-mindedness

Name three people in the world you dislike:
no thank you

Has a rumor even been spread about you?
Sure

Do you like sushi?
Not a fave

Do you believe in magic?
I believe!

Do you hold grudges?
Holding one right now

random n bored

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
Yes! I can’t name names but I literally want this person out of my life if not out of the planet.

How do you flush the toilet in public?
Uhh... press the handle?

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Yes

Do you have a crush on someone?
Lotsa someones actually :)

Name one thing you worry about running out of.
Oddly enough money... as much as I hate calling it a requirement, I still need it to get by daily

What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
Haha! Ask other people

What is your favorite pizza topping?
Anything meaty

Do you crack your knuckles?
Could never do that by myself

What song do you hate the most?
I listen to everything, even to the songs I hate and I end up singing the songs I hate and will eventually love them :)

Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
Yes

What are your super powers?
I can eat like there’s no tomorrow and I have an a very strong inability to accept the consequences of it :P

Peppermint or spearmint?
Peppermint

Where are your car keys?
Sleeping with all the other car keys

Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
I don’t know

What's your most annoying habit?
Food always gets stuck to my wisdom tooth and its crazy annoying when I have to try so hard to get it out with my tongue. It’s an unavoidable habit and I hate it so much

Where did you last go on vacation?
Singapore if I’m not mistaken

What is your best physical feature?
I can’t decide on that

What CD is closest to you right now?
The WKND Sessions Volume 1, it’s actually a DVD

What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Mountain Dew, Pepsi and cheese

What superstition do you believe/practice?
Ummm, something about sitting on a pillow

What color are your bed sheets?
Red

Would you rather be a fish or a bird?
Bird

Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
No

What are your favorite sayings?
“You speak to me in riddles...” it’s actually a lyric of a Thriving Ivory song

What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
Don’t sing in the shower

If you could go back or forward in time,where would you go?
If I could go back I would definitely go to my previous semesters and put my studies as my number 1 priority if I could go forward in time I hope I could go to a place where I have a successful career

What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
One of the Indiana Jones movies I guess

What CD is in your stereo?
Probably a soundtrack, I don’t buy CDs too often unless the movie had some really good songs

What CD will be in your stereo in a few minutes?
Haha! None

How many kids do you plan on having?
A lot

If you could kiss anyone who would it be?
Ummmm :) hehe!

What do you do when no one is watching?
Uhh... pick at my teeth I guess. When I’m with people I use my tongue which is less noticeable

If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be you?
It would be a very long movie and the actress would be underpaid so I can’t picture anyone who would take the job

Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Peacefully in my sleep

Coffee or Tea
Tea

Have you ever been in love?
Is this question always going to be asked?

Do you talk to yourself?
Never out loud, I think to myself quite often

highlights of AI finale

one of the things I loved about this season,
was Will Young's song titled "Leave Right Now"
and I get to listen to it in every elimination round,
which is usually accompanied by a tearful montage of the contestants.

this is the one he sang live on the night before the results show,
featuring all the wonderful moments throughout this season.



lyrics!

~I'm here, just like I said
Though it's breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart, is just the same;
Why make it strong to break it once again?
And I'd love to say "I do";
Give everything to you
But I could never now be true

So I say...
I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now

I'm here, so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs at least I�m spared the lows
Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm?
To feel my spirit calm?

So I say...
I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now

I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Like you say - you're right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten, twice as shy
If I'm proud, perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to loose you again

Yes, I will.
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper...
I think I better leave right now~

and here are the rest...

sexy boy

~I would just like to advice anyone who stumbles upon this post to read it till the end before you start judging me about my beliefs or accuse me of being lost.~

Last night I dreamt that Charlie Bewley was a Greek god (at least he was dressed like one) I was obviously one of those damned creatures of the night seeking for redemption. Then he descended upon me while I was kneeling (I don’t think I was praying) he came on a white horse (ew! Kind of prince charming-ish) he wore a golden armour and he had one of those feathery hats, it was solid gold and the feathers were bright red. He came through what looked like big, grand doors and came to sit next to me. He took off his hat and revealed his new haircut :) cropped or I’d like to call it chopped blond locks, he put his arm around me and said, “It’s okay, everyone gets a second change.” Wow. Then I said, “But I don’t want to think twice about anything anymore because every time I do I always make the wrong decisions and I’ll leave then my heart will just ache for you again.”

I personally think that was the deepest fantasy out of all my fantasies.

It had all my heart ever needed to feel whole.
A hot, attractive guy who had a crazy personality,
Greek mythology (sort of)
That kind of relationship humans have with God in times of depression,
And an answer.

An answers means the final word,
Kind of like saying “everything will be alright.”

Now that’s something I’ll seriously pay attention to.
If redemption were that sweet then I’d confess to all my sins a long time ago.

Overall, it was kind of a crazy, out of body experience for me,
I had to write it down,
I had to make something out of it.

What I learnt from it,
No matter how damned you think you are remember that God is Most Merciful,
And even if you might have other ways or beliefs to make yourself feel better,
Just remember that it’s never too late to change.

Okay, at least I think that’s how it goes.

Btw, for those of you who don’t know here’s a picture of Charlie with chopped hair...



Oooh, I absolutely have to and MUST watch this movie



It’s like the definition of indie motion stillness,
Okay I made all that up,
I have no idea what motion stillness means!

I’ve seen a couple of clips from this movie,
A couple indirectly means just one clip :P
And from what I can tell...

What I love about this movie,
Is the camera angle,
That instantly makes you feel like you right in front of the actors.

It also gives this feeling,
Like you can take your own digital camera,
And start making your own movie.

Yeah it had that home video feeling (I don’t mean in a cheap way)
But in a sneaky and sexy way ;)
And I’m loving it!

FYI, I get that religion is a personal thing so when I talk about relationships with God it is a very personal thing to me. I’m not trying to shove anything down your throat. It was a dream that I had and I’m blogging about it that’s all.

*signs* I want to call it expressing myself creatively by over thinking it and explaining everything in detail (hence, the long post) but somebody just told me today that I take everything too seriously lol

random thought:

everyone can pursue in their own creative process. I choose to do it in a way that's my own.

wow. I'm blogging from uni for the first time eva!

the ballad of the sad cafe

I would like to add another book to my wish list:

It’s called The Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers

*I’m sorry my posts have been bookish lately,
Before that I thought it was too Tim Urban-ish,
I guess the only way to tell if my heart is truly in the stuff I blog about,
Is the fact that I need to have an ish in them hehe!*

Anyway here’s the cover.



Now for starters,
How did I find out about the book?
Robert Pattinson recommended it to Oprah on her show,
I couldn’t actually tell what he was saying to her (because of his thick accent)
So I had to wait till some crazed fan translated the actual title to the web.

Thank you crazed fan!
I love Robby too,
But I have to be honest,
It’s because I love books... that’s why I needed to find out (if I had heard of it or not)

I think you can tell a lot about a person based on what they read,
But not enough about whom they are if you only caught the current book they’re reading.

So here are some of the reasons that made me want to read this book so badly:
(Thanks to wiki)

- The impossibility of reciprocal love, the sadness of a world in which growing up means only learning that isolation is the lot of everyone.
- Little good can come from the experience of material life.
- That nothing here has grown....that nothing ever could. The world is a sort of prison or trap that all of its denizens must suffer through....... the boredom and the struggle to perfect the heart.
- Love and friendship are the only gifts that the world has to offer and that it is better to risk everything for the sole sake of love than to wish your life away hoping for some sort of personal validation or worldly treasure.
- The real treasure that the world has to offer lies not in anything material, but in the sacrifice of self for SOMEONE.........ANYONE !

I also found out that this book,
Was made into a movie back in 1991,
I was only one at that time.

I don’t usually stick through classic films,
But if I ever get the chance to see this it would be awesome,
First I want to read the book though! :)

Changing subjects now...

THIS WEEK!

I posted “The Weather” on TL,
I wrote it a long time ago,
From what I remember it had something to do with my brother,
Finally something that has to do with persons for a change!

He lived overseas for a couple of years,
And I just thought about the weather changes he must go through,
Sometimes I envied him (It’s summer forever in Malaysia)
Sometimes I poke fun at him (while he was freezing his ass of over there)

Okay, that was not nice,
So I guess the poem was sort of dedicated to him,
It’s saying something about how you can have a love-hate relationship with the weather,
You can hate it and love it too.

Kind of like how I feel about him.

I have to remember to minus two

I have to remember to minus two,
I have to remember to do this daily,
To every hour that includes you,
So that I can keep up with your activity.

Sometimes it gets harder,
Because sometimes it says ‘3 or 6 or 7 hours ago’
That you said something that made my heart go stronger,
So I have to minus those numbers also.

I get so sad,
Because we live in different time zones,
I often miss what made you glad,
The pain throbs to my bone.

When your day ends,
Mine had just begun,
Others will always get the chance,
To get your reply filled with such fun.

I’ve tried to change,
To suit to your sleeping time,
But I couldn’t pull off the face,
I couldn’t give up what was still mine.

I have to remember to minus two,
I have to remember to do this daily,
14 hours, that’s the difference between me and you,
That’s all it takes to affect me permanently.




Just something I wrote while I was feeling a little under the weather,
Yep, it’s about Tim,
I often miss his Tweets because I’m asleep.

And when I do write back to him,
He’s asleep,
Well you get the point.

But it shouldn’t stop me from writing though, yea?

I let people borrow my books,
But you have to treat them like gold,
Because a single tear on them,
Equals to a tear to my soul.

I'm in a different time zone now,
So good morning everybody!

MIA

I explained on my Twitter that I’d be MIA for three nights beginning from four nights ago I think...

Anyway, this is what I’ve been up to the past couple of days,
Nothing interesting to tell,
I just thought I’d kill some time.

-Sunday, I went back to uni late at night
-If it’s not bad enough that I drowned in my dreams the whole of the next morning
-When I did wake up, I had overslept and was going to be late for class.
-I had trouble finding parking so I parked next to garbage. I was scared that Vivienne was going to get stinky but I thought I was only going to leave it there for an hour or two.
-Was disinterested during class. I tried really... but I guess I needed something more interesting to cure my disinterestness perhaps?
-After class... I looked forward to tea time!
-Tea time has to be one of my favourite times of the day! And it’s healthy too!
-One time I spent six bucks just on tea time alone! Whoo... need to cut down
-I guess the rest of that night went as predicted, signed some docs that needed to be signed (I’m so not into declaring my agreements on paper but admission systems requires me to do so) and had a movie marathon wee into the night
-Tuesday was such a free day. I was so free that I was bored that I got lazy :X
-I wanted to go out for some ice cream but it was raining so heavily that I decided not to.
-I was so bored that I wanted to jump in the rain.
-I practically did the ultimate sleepwalking this semester compared to other minor sleepwalks I’ve done in other semesters.
-Random fact: when I say sleepwalking, I don’t really mean it. It’s a metaphor for how I still don’t know what I want to do with my life and thus I’m just going with the flow until it seems pointless and yet there is still not enough direction for me to take a turn for the best. I hope that explains everything.
-Nab contacted me that night and I promised to meet up next week.
-The next day while I was heading to class with Shaf I found out that she had done a quarter of the assignment! Which sort of made me feel guilty (wake up babe!) because it’s a five per group assignment which means one person should do less than a quarter and we should all be doing an equal amount of work.
-Or better yet, we should at least do the actual work.
-So yes, I felt a little guilty. But I’ve done my research; all that’s left is a trip to the library, a meeting with the group and to put it all down on paper. Can all of that be done in the next three weeks?
-Hence, I doodled on my notepad in class that day. Still disinterested.
-After that, I drove around for a bit because driving helps me think.
-In the end, I was back home in time to watch AI :)
-Then, got my parents to sign the docs I’ve been delaying (because I so hate swearing things on paper)
-Showered, ate, and checked my mail online.
-And now I am off to bed.

Goodnight world.

my summer reading list

What should I do while I have all this free time?
I am going to read,
And read and read and read,
Because there is nothing more relaxing and soothing than reading!
To me of course.

So I thought I might re-read some of the books from my book collection,
Because it’ll save me some money from buying new ones.

So now I present to you,
My Summer Reading List:

1. The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

2. The Grave Tattoo by Val McDermid

3. Daughters of Fire by Barbara Erskine

4. Candy by Kevin Brooks

5. The Road by Rose Tremain

6. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

7. Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

8. Beautiful Boys by Francesca Lia Block

9. Blood Sinister by Celia Rees

10. The Supernaturalist by Eoin Colfer

11. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

12. The Hollow by Christopher Golden and Ford Lytle Gilmore

13. Stories We Could Tell by Tony Parsons

14. The Fire Thief by Terry Deary

15. Ripples and Other Stories by Shih-Li Kow

16. The Wag’s Diary by Alison Kervin

17. The Hounds of Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

18. Tales of Mystery and Imagination by Edgar Allan Poe

19. Blackwood Farm by Anne Rice

20. Sylvia by Bryce Courtenay


And if I get the chance,
I would also love to read this book again.

Music and Silence by Rose Tremain.
My favourite book of all time!
It’s the sole of my inspiration.

short and sweet

Via TL’s http://tlbysyafamir.blogspot.com/

Fire Scorpion was just something I had to do,
It was a part of me, it resembled who I am.

But basically,
It’s just a simple definition of how Scorpio’s think and feel,
Which is something I don’t reflect on regularly anymore.

Except for three facts:
1. Carry themselves proudly.
2. Are hard to admit that they’re wrong.
3. Takes control when having a hard time in life.

Time to write my second letter to Tim.

payback

Option A:

You can give and expect something in return, all you will gain are worldly things that can only bring you temporary happiness.

Option B:

You can give sincerely, you are not only a really awesome person because you did a very honourable thing but God will repay you for your generosity that goes beyond worldly matters and the rewards are unlimited.

So which one would you choose?

The answer’s pretty clear I think...

But it’s so hard to do.

As I’m pressing on this matter,
I just want to mention that,
My position is no different than yours,
I’m not so righteous that I can simply give it all away.

I am only human,
In fact we all are,
So this is not to bash anyone who might feel offended,
It’s just a reminder that we all can be a better person day by day if we try.

Honestly,
I don’t get option A at all,
Because...

When you were giving to the person firsthand,
The ultimate reason must be because that person must’ve been in need,
And when you’re in need,
You can’t really afford to do anything unless you get a little help.

And for you who is giving that help,
To expect something in return,
From a person who – you were well informed – could not repay you back from the start,
Are you stupid or something?
Or do you really take everything thing into count?

If what you gave was such a large amount,
That person might need a very long time,
First to use the help received for the intended purpose,
Second to pay you back.

Do you realize how big of a headache you caused that person?

Not only does that person have to worry about their own life problems,
But now he/she has to lose sleep about repaying you for your generous help.

If your intension was actually to offer generous help,
Then you wouldn’t put so much pressure on that person to pay you back.

It’s not that easy for me either,
I don’t mind treating my friends once in a while,
If it goes beyond my budget,
I’ll know where I stand,
And maybe I’ll limit my spending.

And when I’m a little short,
I ask my friends who I treated for a few bucks,
The usual excuse would be,
“Hey, can you lend me some money? It’s the least thing you could do after I treated you the last time.”

We all can’t escape from wanting to collect what we’ve lost,
Especially when we’re running so low.

So since I’ve made it clear,
That I’m no better than you,
I also suffer from the need to collect debt when I get desperate.

This does not concern you,
Who is filthy rich and the help you offered that person is not even equaled to a quarter of your possessions!

So stop making that person feel like shit,
Feel like that person is forever in debt to you because it is impossible to pay back,
Don’t give that person a hard time,
And please, this is the most annoying of them all,
Stop reminding that person about your kind heart and generosity to help out,
This will further put pressure on that person indirectly.

This thing called “debt” is so inescapable in life,
Not just in terms of money,
Help can mean a lot of other things.

And it doesn’t matter,
If you’re a good friend, girlfriend, grandfather, aunt or sibling.

When help is offered to someone,
It doesn’t matter how close they are,
The topic will come out,
The relationship will be strained.

It is so hard to give and expect nothing in return.

You’ll at least expect them to treat you to a nice meal.

So let’s just give,
And give and give and give and give,
Once you handed it over to that person,
Just let it fly with the wind,
Leave it all behind.

Everything or anything that you will gain in this world will just be it,
It'll just be in this world,
But if you try to remember that there is a greater force watching over you,
That can make humanly rewards look so puny compared to what He can give you.

You will be blessed in this world,
And in the hereafter,
Now isn’t that much better than torturing that person to pay you back?

Nothing lasts forever,
Especially materialistic things which can be easily exchanged by human hands,
God’s Grace, however, is irreplaceable.

be prepared... like the song Scar sang on The Lion King

I visited my high school today,
And chose to come in a bad time,
Because traffic was havoc at 2pm!

Nonetheless,
Watching kids (okay, I shouldn’t call them kids, they’re not that much younger than me)
Running around after school,
Eating ice cream.

Oh I miss the afterschool ice cream part.

And seeing them,
Made me wish and hope that they will enjoy their days in school,
While they can,
Before they have to step out into the real world.

I hope they prepare for it,
Because people out there will eat you alive,
And spit you back out,
And they can love you,
Bring you happiness,
You will gain experience,
And memories you thought you’d never dream of while you were in school.

Just be prepared,
And don’t be like me,
Because I was so not prepared,
Hence the snoozing lol

Anyway, I went there to get my certificate,
And my Vivienne felt incredibly small,
Compared to all the other gigantic cars of parents coming to pick up their children.

No, I was not driving,
Dad was,
It’ll be crazy if I were to drive there,
I am scared of the neighbourhood itself!

So I thought I was doing this alone,
Went into the school and got my business together.

Then out of nowhere Daddy came,
After he promised me he would wait in the car,
He eyed my certificate and said very loudly,
“Wow! Look at your history mark?”

“I was young and uninterested” I replied.

Then he told me something like how I’ve come a long way since high school exams.

Heh?

He meant that yes,
I still get overwhelmed when it comes to results,
But I’ve improved.

Thank you Daddy :) hehe!

And oh yeah, it’s this guy’s birthday today...



Bright, bright picture for a bright, bright man!

I hope that when the day comes,
And he gets to leave all his vampire movies behind,
(not dissing, just hoping for bigger opportunities in the future)
He’ll come out to be a great actor of our generation.

I’ve got a historical fiction feeling from him,
Keep playing real people,
But with a slightly more interesting story to tell,
And a face as gorgeous as his!



I love Robby pics so I shall share as much as I can!
Enough said.

Oh yes that “small metal like a razor blade digging into my heart” feeling is gone!

Will elaborate more tonight :D

complaint department

I am so sorry for this

Why are you sad? Created by sadgirl and taken 365 times on Bzoink
Do you talk about you'r problems?:	not regularly
Do you show you'r emotions?:	only to my close friends
Do you have any regrets?:	I've heard that regret was such a useless emotion. I have some so I disagree with that.
Are you depressed?:	it's at a minority
If so then why are you depressed?:	mostly due to stress
Have you ever had you'r heartbroken?:	I prefer to overlook that
Have you been cheated on?:	Haha yeah
Have you ever been in love?:	I think
Have you lost someone that you wanted so bad?:	wanted so bad? no I don't think I've lost someone I wanted so bad yet
Have you ever been in love with someone and never told them?:	I've liked them and never told them. Never loved
Are you sad because of someone?:	No, just because of myself
If so then who?:	myself duh
If you could say anything to that person, what would it be?:	Hey babe, smile!
What song discribes why you are sad?:	it doesn't describes why I'm sad but I love what's playing right now. Lykke Li's "Complaint Department" hehe!
What sentence discribes what you'r thinking right now?:	if you wanna complaint, I'm not your complaint department! hehe!
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And as I’m doing this guess what’s playing in the background :)
This was before Complaint Department

It’s “Love Will Find A Way” from Lion King’s 2 soundtrack!

In a perfect world
One we've never known
We would never need to face the world alone

They can have the world
We'll create our own
I may not be brave or strong or smart
But somewhere in my secret heart

I know
Love will find a way
Anywhere I go
I'm home
If you are there beside me

Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way

I was so afraid
Now I realize
Love is never wrong
And so it never dies

There's a perfect world
Shining in your eyes

And if only they could feel it too
The happiness I feel with you

They'd know
Love will find a way
Anywhere we go
We're home
If we are there together

Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way

I know love will find a way





And coming right after that is the song that I absolutely need.
Faber Drive’s “Tongue Tied”

Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of the head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like something's just aren't the same
What could I say?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
(I wonder just where you are)
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?
Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
Again

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit
Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end
Don't want to be here again
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again
What it takes I don't care
We're gonna make it I swear
And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again




Okay, I promise this will be my last depressed post.

distraction

This is me overreacting about something that can simply be solved.

Because I have declared,
That this is the place for me to rant,
Then I shall not consider putting any censorship in it then.

My heart feels like a sinking ship,
Like it’s literally digging a hole in my insides,
So it can find some place to rest in peace.

But I won’t let it,
I need my heart by my side,
In order to feel.

I guess it’s trying to tell me,
That it’s time to feel nothing.

At least for a while

Until the storm passes

So I am unhappy,
I feel sappy,
I am not smiling tonight.

But I’m not going to regret it,
Because sadness is a gift that teaches you the meaning of being grateful,
It’s just something I have to go through.

Since I already know that,
So why doesn’t it make me feel better?

What I need is distraction.

I want... I need to just shut down for a couple of hours,
Even though I very well know that when I wake up tomorrow everything will still be the same,
The same problems will still be there.

All I can do is press “pause”,
Even though I know it won’t solve anything,
And that when day breaks I have to press “play” again.

Again,
What I need is,
Distraction.

In the form of mindless, humorous, offensive manner,
That’ll really make me laugh like I don’t care.

Yes, I do need to smile again,
In a few moments I’ll be laughing till it hurts.
Cause pain is the only thing that makes me feel alive (so emo :P)

Happy mother’s day to my very awesome Mommy who does not know the existence of this blog and thus will not be reading this post right here! :P

So I won’t elaborate much on the shoutout,
Since the person this is dedicated to will not know of it.

I realized that I’ve posted quite a few of Mommy related stuff before this one,
In the spirit of the actual mother’s day that is today!

gah

Seriously, it just feels like gah!

I mean honestly,
Just because it’s not a big deal to you,
Doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal to me!

Don’t mean to bash,
But just for once,
Try to understand,
That I need someone on my back here okay.

And if you can’t understand,
Cause you don’t want to be pretentious,
And would rather tell me the truth even though it hurts (because that’ll make you a good person)
Then be considerate.

I’m so freaking upset here!
On the night that I’m suppose to avoid such negativity.

So please,
This matters to me,
Because you know that now, you shouldn’t be so cold.

no words to express this... literally.

I see a lot of people planning lots of things for mother’s day tomorrow,
What about me?

Well, I hope nobody gets me wrong,
We don’t use presents in this house.

Nothing against it of course,
I just don’t believe in comparing a mother’s love with things.

Sure, for birthdays and such we have presents,
We’re not completely immune to shiny new things!

But this year’s mother’s day it’s a little bit different,
Why?
I guess the best answer I can give you,
Is the fact that we’re all older now.

My family,
The one consisting of the four of us,
Father, mother, brother and me,
We’re a little shy about expressing feelings.

Like for myself,
I don’t talk about how I truly feel about them period,
I’m sort of like a rock,
So we don't say the regular “I love you”s here.

I don’t know about what is said between my parents,
Or my brother,
But for me,
I can text “I love you” so easily but it’s so hard to get the words out upfront.

Truth be told,
While I cringe away from emotional outburst,
We like to believe in the idea that we don’t need the words to be said to know that we love each other.

Or at least,
That’s how I hope we see it,
Because I can’t say it out loud any time soon.

So we tried our best to make a surprise mother’s day celebration this year,
But I guess due to old age,
Some mouths blundered,
And now Mama is planning it hehe!

It’ll just be a mother’s day lunch,
Somewhere special,
We hardly get to spend time together anymore,
The four of us together,
There’s always at least one missing from the picture.

I’ll cherish the times we spend together always,
And hope for better days,
When your daughter finally has the guts to say how much you mean to her out loud.

But for now,
I am truly sorry that you have to read my feelings,
I’m just a rock.

mom

Mother’s day is nearing,
So I thought I’d note this down.

Yesterday, I was deceived,
And when it looked like I couldn’t give a shit,
Mama stepped in.

And I was all like,
“Mama, it’s alright. I don’t even care.”
Then she goes,
“But you’re my daughter, so I care.”

Thanks to my fat ugly ego,
I don’t get as oversensitive as much about small things,
Little did I know,
Mothers probably feel more for us that we do.

So all day yesterday I put what happened behind me,
I thought it wasn’t a big deal,
I had other things going on more superior that this one particular thing,
But Mama wouldn’t let it go.

Usually, I’d get annoyed,
Yet this time I didn’t
Because I know that the thought of someone hurting me would really kill her,
Even if I could look pass it,
And act as if I don’t care,
She’ll feel like it’s her responsibility to avoid such things from happening to me period.

You see how much they care?
Even when we don’t?
And how easily we can mistaken them,
For being over defensive and overprotective?

She goes on to tell me,
“You’re my daughter, what hurts you will hurt me too,
I can’t just stand by while you’re being wronged.”

It’s an amazing thing really,
My mother, your mother, mothers in general!

I try to avoid from getting things uglier,
So I kept quiet (because again, it didn’t bother me much)
While she fought for me,
How awesome is that?

Then,
I told her to view it from a perspective,
A simple problem can be solved with just a smile :)

Hehe! I just had to put the smiling thing in there!

So while she stood on making her point,
To prove these people wrong,
I took the liberty to repair broken relationships.

Then she told me that I deal with things better because it seemed that I can always stay cool in these types of situations as well as fix them in the right way

By maintaining sillaturrahim.

Honestly, at that time I didn’t even think about it that way,
I just thought if Mom couldn’t handle it than I should play my part and do something about it.

"Smile even though thorns are being thrown at you and hope that they will smile back." - Me.


"I've learned that I can handle more than I thought as far as pressure goes... Breathe and say a prayer to stay calm." - Tim Urban hehe!

tomorrow

Tomorrow I have to get up as early as 9:30am!
Because Kenny’s coming to fix the wiring in my room ah!
No, not my Kenny.
Just a repairman named Kenny.

Then it’s off to my project,
Which I hope will pull through.

I do have the intention to do a Youtube page,
I used to want to do that a couple of years ago,
When I preferred vlog instead of blog,
Then I switched back to this :)

Well, tomorrow’s going to be the recording of my first video.

I just want to say that I have the most awesome and talented cousin ever!

Me: I thought about maybe recording some stuff. Maybe this particular song, can you take a listen to this?

Cuz: *listens*

Me: Can you play it on the piano?

Cuz: Maybe.

Me: Will you do it? Record it with me tomorrow?

Cuz: Okay.

God bless those musicians,
Who can’t stand notes,
And chose to play by ear.

Because they only need to listen to the music once,
And then their fingers are magically able to play the song!

Just a heads-up,
This is not confirmed,
I don’t know if I’ll even record the thing,
Or even chose to publish it!

I always get overly scared and panic when dealing with the public,
I prefer to keep it to myself.

So,
In case it does happen,
But I don’t publish it,
Don’t hesitate to contact me so you can have your own personal screening hehe!

As a last note,
I can’t dance...
I’m physically incapable of doing that now,
Cause everything hurts so badly

Let’s be happy... spread the love... heal the pain.

i am fighting with the local clock

no, this is not the title of a poem haha!
the poem is in TL's page,
which after being asleep for a week and a couple of days,
has finally been updated.

with a rather personal piece of mine.

so basically, "Loner" was inspired by Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken"

it takes on rather a different toll for me.

there is a roady kind of feel to it.

anyway, I started of writing from a loner's POV,
then halfway through it I realized,
that even though I'm alone,
at least I don't want to kill myself.

that was suppose to be funny okay?

so yes, long story short
(and I have to make it short because my eyes cannot stand it anymore)
this piece is about...

when you come to a time when where you feel incredibly alone,
just remember to be thankful for the journey so far,
and although no one's with you,
God is always by your side,
you are NEVER alone my friend.

okay, that's that for the explanation.

now the excuse to why I'm doing this in the middle of the night,
and why i am *inserts title yay* fighting with the local clock,
well I'll tell you why.

One, it's because my twitter has suddenly decided to become active now,
and apparently twitter people don't agree with my sleeping time,
if it's night here, it's morning there and so on.

Two, in my pathetic attempt to promote my blogs via twitter,
I am tweeting tim urban none stop like a maniac!

okay, maybe not like a maniac,
just asking him some important questions,
which have yet to be answered (i know it sounds so sad but i can't help myself!)
and also fulfill a few request from my friends...

who don't have twitter but wants me to asks him questions through mine,
its okay, I really really don't mind. :)

about me

THE BASICS
What is your name?
Syafiqah Amir
Height
5 feet 4 inches
Weight
48kg
Best quality
I can't be the judge of that
Nickname
Syaf... Iqah... Nur is fine too I guess
Eye colour
Dark brown
Hair colour
Black brown
Age
19
Birth date
3rd Nov 90
Current location
In the here and now

PICK ONE
Night or day
Night
Sweet or sour
Sweet
Chocolate or vanilla
Choc
Beer or hard liquor
Neither
Black or white
Black
Personality or looks
Personality
Cats or dogs
Cats

HAVE YOU EVER...
Been in love
Who hasn't?
Drank until you blacked out
Nope
Skipped school
Yep
Drank acohol
No
Smoked a cigarette
No
Smoked weed
No
Snuck out of the house
Yeah

RANDOM QUESTIONS
What’s the worst thing that has ever happened to you?
I don't bother to reflect on bad memories
What do you think happens when you die?
The afterlife begins
Do you believe in karma?
Yes
Believe in God?
Very much yes
Do you have a job?
I work with nature
If you had one wish, what would it be?
I've got everything I need right here:)

FAVORITE...
Colour
Changes all the time but red runs in the family
Store
Borders
Drink
Pepsi twist
Food
Fried chicken
Book
Music & Silence by Rose Tremain
Music
Depends on my mood... mostly rock
Season
Summer because it's the only season I've known

MORE ABOUT YOU
Piercings
Ears
Tattoos
Only henna ones
How do you want to die?
Hopefully next to the one I love
Do you want to get married?
Yes
Do you want kids?
Yes
Do you drink?
No
Smoke?
No
Your most missed memory
Just now, watching the sunset :)
What do you want to do when you are done with high school?
I'm done with school, been sleepwalking ever since

20 QUESTIONS
________Favorites________
1. Number:
7 but I reserve the right to change
2: Song:
Overrated by Thriving Ivory
3. Color:
Red
4. Season:
Summer
5. State:
Kuala Lumpur
6.. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
Hell no. life's too short, why miss it?
7.Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Been sleeping alone all my life and will continue to do so until the right one comes
8. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes
9. Do you consider yourself creative?
In my own way
10. Have you ever Ice Skated?
Yes, I fell. not good at it
11. When was the last time you laughed so hard you were crying?
Last night with my BFFs
12. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. everything's too on the surface, it's ridiculous it doesn't even makes sense
13. Do you always wear your seatbelt?
Yes.
14. What talent do you wish you had?
The ability to turn myself into a pretzel would be cool
15. Do you like Rap or Rock n Roll?
Rock n Roll
16. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
I wouldn't sleep with a random stranger no matter how rich or famous he is
17. Do you know how to play chess?
Used to. not anymore
18. What food do you find disgusting?
Jellyfish
18. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
Yes but only with close friends
19. Have you ever been punched in the face?
No
20. Have you ever walked out on a movie at the theater?
Yep. can't stop nature's call

Happy birthday to my aunt, Ayang and also Tim Urban!!! :)

Ayang's age is a secret hehe!
But Tim turns 21 today~