I was a heavy heart 2 carry but he never let me down. when he had me in his arms my feet never touched d ground. you gave all you had & now I am whole

the title is my fav lyrics from the following songs.

Been listening to the Eclipse soundtrack,
my fav track on there is Florence and the Machine's "Heavy In Your Arms"
is a fav of many among the fans,
when I find out what it means, I'll let you know :)

Florance + the Machine - Heavy In Your Arms

I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown.

I was a heavy heart to carry
My feet dragged across ground
And he took me to the river
Where he slowly let me drown

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms

And is it worth the wait
All this killing time?
Are you strong enough to stand
Protecting both your heart and mine?

Who is the betrayer?
Who's the killer in the crowd?
The one who creeps in corridors
And doesn't make a sound

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

My love has concrete feet
My love's an iron ball
Wrapped around your ankles
Over the waterfall

I'm so heavy, heavy
Heavy in your arms
I'm so heavy, heavy
So heavy in your arms

This will be my last confession
I love you never felt like any blessing
(Ohhhh)
Whispering like it's a secret
Only to condemn the one who hears it
With a heavy heart

Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms
(i'm so) Heavy heavy i'm so heavy in your arms

I was a heavy heart to carry
my beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown

I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he had me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground

I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms.

Heavy, i'm so heavy in your arms.

I love Sia and I was so happy when I found out she was on the soundtrack,
so it was one of the songs I was looking forward to,
so sad that there are no Sia groups of fb for me to "like"

Sia - My Love

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, you have found peace
You were searching for release

You gave it all, into the call
You took her dancing and
You took a fall for us

You came thoughtfully, loved me faithfully
You taught me honor, you did it for me

to late you will slip away
You will wait for me my love

Now I am strong (Now I am strong)
You gave me all
You gave all you had and now I am whole

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, look what you can do
I am mending, I'll be with you

You took my hand added a plan
You gave me your heart
I asked you to dance with me

You loved honestly
Did what you could release

I know in peace we'll go
I won't release this loss

Now I am strong (Now I am strong)
You gave me all
You gave all you had and now I am whole

My love, beat inside me.

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, I'll be with you

and this is just too yummy not to share XD





I've posted this last pic before but trust me, after the day I had it wouldn't hurt to have a bit more of a good thing...


Alex Pettyfer is still hotness worthy but I'm not going to post any of his pics tonight (maybe some other time)
don't want to get carried away hehe!

taking things on a lighter note this time because I'm so sleepy, sleepy, sleepy but I can't sleep cause tonight is spain vs portugal,
I feel like crying cause I'm aching so bad from today's workout.
have a pleasant night everyone.

opinion

today I woke up at none-of-your-business o'clock,
and went about my usual activities...

it so happens,
one of the things planned today was a workout session,
I've let myself go so bad that I can honestly say that the workout today was MURDER!

but it got me pumped up,
so while I was at it,
a lone ranger unexpectedly came up and decided to drill me with this question:

Syaf, what do you say to people to hate Twilight?

sweating and out of breath I answered: "I guess it's okay. I mean YES, I'm an avid fan and I'm a huge supporter. I do get my feelings hurt but still, I don't get all defensive and say things to prove them wrong. if they want to call the books/movies ridiculous that's their opinion."

SEE! even when I'm in my most imbalanced state,
I still say that.

it's because day by day,
I live by this principle where I try my best to not bash anyone.
so after I finished doing my business before I went to shower,
I found that person again and added,
this time I wasn't out of breath:
"but if they say something insulting about it that's totally out of line, sure I'll argue back."

but wait,
I am not perfect,
nobody is,
and even though it's best to stay out of the way as chaos breaks lose sometimes,
It's damn difficult to stay neutral all the freaking time.

like when you're chilling with your friends and jokes are tossed around,
and those jokes touch some sensitive issues that shouldn't be made fun of...

you can't just all of a sudden go: "Hey! that's bad, don't say stuff like that."
wow, what a way to kill the mood huh?

so please understand
that when you're among close friends it's okay to let loose and have fun.

you can have your own ground in things,
act respectfully when there's a situation that may be offensive,
but come on,
don't be so tight all the time.

that's no fun.

there are times when you can play the righteous part,
and there are also times when you can have fun :)

relax... stay safe... enjoy life

bla bla bla

this weekend kept me busy,
I made sure I was updated on all the latest premiere news,
& I hoped I would find something that was worthy to share,
sadly, nothing really surprised me.

I mean there's a lot of stuff to keep me occupied,
but nothing really wowed me.

it's so sad cause I thought I could post a vid of red carpet interviews from the premiere,
I didn't because there was nothing new to share,
all the questions were so predictable and I've heard the same answers so many times.
"What was your favorite scene to film in the movie?" and bla bla bla.

as for pics,
I thought I'd at least post of what they were wearing,
but nah! I didn't feel like it. sorry.

In other news than the premiere and yet related to the same topic as well,
I bought the soundtrack and movie companion book...




and thus my collection is satisfyingly if not fully complete :)




I didn't plan to do this this year,
I'm not crazy enough to collect ALL the merchandise,
No! I don't sleep on an Edward bed sheet or own a shirtless Jacob doll,
I only collect the things that I had previously bought the year before,
so that my collection can look continuous but not so crazy haha!

Oh and I hate this part!
I hate it when I become broke when I really want something,
and I end up asking my parents for money,
I don't want to keep depending on them for money especially at 19.

I don't ask for money often,
but because this happened to be one of those "I NEED! I MUST HAVE IT!" times,
I had to ask.

*sigh*

note to self: save up for next year's crazy fangirl shopping so that you won't have to keep asking your parents for money when you're already 20++!

I'll probably post some vids and pics of the premiere when I feel like it :)

immature

You think I'm being immature??

Immaturity is when you pick your friends.
Immaturity is when you fail to notice your responsibilities to others.
Immaturity is when you avoid from admitting your mistakes.
Immaturity is when you don't find the decency to acknowledge others when they should be.
Immaturity is when you purposely avoid confrontation with someone because you ran out of excuses to tell.
Immaturity is when you deliberately chose to exclude the people who make you uncomfortable because you just don't want to say it to their faces.
Immaturity is when you blame others but yourself.

So you think I'm being immature? like seriously?? judge me by my age FINE!
think twice loser

madness part 2

as I promised, the madness continues...













can't wait for the big premiere in 8 hours!

stigmatized

this song has just sinfully pierced my heart

Stigmatized by The Calling

If I give up on you I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you

Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized

I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray

We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized

We'll live our lives, We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way

I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides

We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized

Stigmata is not a disease (as far as I know)
they're bodily marks, sores, or sensations of pain according to the Roman Catholic faith (thank you wiki)

I've also heard about this myth,
that stigmata is when two people share some sort of connection,
although they don't know each over,
have never met each other,
live on opposite sides of the world,
when one person hurts physically,
so does the other.

say,
one gets into a car accident,
the other person on the other side of the earth,
suddenly get chronic injuries without any causes or explanation whatsoever.

it just happens,
that's stigmata,
not a disease,
but a connection.

Yesterday, a question in Twitter caught my eye,
"Give me your definition of love."
and I had to answer in less than five minutes,
Obviously I couldn't come up with the right answer on the spot,
and even if I did it extended the amount of characters per Tweet.

So I didn't answer,
not right away.

then I found out about this,
and personally,
I think this is what love should be.

If you bleed,
I bleed.
If you get a cut,
I'll take out a knife and cut myself for you.
that way, I'll feel exactly what you're feeling.

Love can be a lot of things,
putting others needs before yours, acceptance, seeing them in their ugly and still loving them etc...

To me love is pain,
OR LET ME JUST TRY TO CLARIFY THIS
love is when you cry for their pain,
you feel what's hurting them,
even though how much it hurts you don't really give a damn because you know that the pain is the inescapable hold that's keeping you together.

even when they are strong,
you still hurt because that's how much you care about them.

Oh, and I did answer that Twitter question actually :)
I answered, "Just because it's meant to be, doesn't meant it happens right away. that's love."

People have trouble maintaining relationships,
it ends up in heartbreak.
have you ever thought that maybe love takes time?

you go ahead and live your life,
day after day,
with no changes,
there's nothing stopping you from living your life,
and when you're ready for love,
it will come to you.

until then,
we're stigmatized

hope that helps you BFF :D

will it take forever for me to unpack?

while I'm still in writing/editing mod... help yourself XD
p/s I need help like seriously, words of encouragement please!

gooey-ness I actually like that word!

sorry,
I promised madness part 2 but I'm so not in the head space,
maybe I will be say around June 24th??

and yeah I'm not posting anything football related (boo me!) even though it's football season,
I watch the matches... 7-0 wow.
but don't have enough of it to blab haha!

I recently made an amazing discovery!
which encouraged me to write more! :)

but then I might have to find someone I'm closest to to talk me through it,
publishing is such a drag

I finished reading Beastly!
and now I'm currently reading this online novel "The Howling Heart" by April Bostic

it's available online because it's not published
what attracted me to it was that the author expressed how Alex Pettyfer inspired her to write it.

look him up.

so yes I read Beastly which is about to become a movie with Alex starring in it,
then I move on to read this other book which the author specifically said that Alex IS the lead character
more Alex yay!

I like this novel but I understand why she's not into publishing it,
it has a very fanfiction feel to it,
I'm not an avid fanfiction reader,
but this one definitely falls into that category.

It's a fast read, I have to admit (although I'm not done yet)
and it's sooo worthy of your online time!

when I finish it maybe I'll have more to say about it,
for now I just think:
1. yes, I can see Alex. thank you April
2. I feel the essence of a fanfiction lover/reader/writer in it. I totally get it/feel it
3. beautiful yet simple storyline. I love the simplicity of the characters. you don't have to make it too complicated for it to mean something
4. it's inspiring... me to continue writing :)
5. sacrifice is a bitch. this book makes me think about how much you're willing to give up for love? and is love really worth throwing everything away for? well, it's not that easy to answer I can tell you.

I had the intention of corrupting some youths' innocence by posting more Alex in this... like this sexy video recommended by the author (because that video kick started her story)

but then I realized I've posted SO MUCH of eye candy lately,
of boys who I think are oozing with gorgeousness and gooey-ness
that I thought maybe it's time to take it down a notch

here's a tip,
you can search it yourself on youtube
just type "alex pettyfer rude boy" or something like that

and enjoy!

too tired to care

things that today meant to me:

don't judge a book by it's cover

not everything's black and white

I think there's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself, feeling beautiful & being happy.

So I hate it when others ruin that feeling because they judge you by your first impression & think everything is black & white.

I am pissed.

especially when the instant judgment is... "party animal, immoral behavior, drunk..."

those are all metaphors. but what happened was similar to it.

don't take it literally.

really don't.

because honestly, I've had enough with it.

remind me to post madness part 2 tomorrow.

madness

still in the midst of Eclipse madness so I'm very happy with that! :)
although today had been a busy day I'm glad that I can still do this
AND smile

so Summit just released the latest featurette of the film,
then E! followed through by highlighting some insane clips!
I must say this is by far the best piece of promo ever!

I don't get excited about movies regularly anymore,
because sometimes the teasers were exaggerated
and the actual movie is not so much

but now I can say that I'm so looking forward to this part of the Eclipse movie:

the part when Jasper trains the Cullens and the werewolves how to fight the newborns. that should be fun to finally see some kick ass going on. and I also like that finally another member of the family gets to be in the spotlight

OR

the part where Riley is recruiting his army of newborn vampires. There'll be lots of gore and blood as he bites (thus tortures) random people into becoming a vampire. plus he looks hot doing it!

I said "OR" because I can't pick my favorite part yet,
I can only decide on that once I've seen the movie.
but those are what I'm looking forward to.

here are the juicy promos:





gonna go watch the match now! laterzzzz

junket

listening to Sade's "Kissing You" in the background :) because I'm totally in the mood to talk about retelling fairy tales.

I am currently(finally!) reading Alex Flinn's novel called "Beastly."
~I'd post the cover art but I'm not in a very picture-like mood~
I've been looking for that book forever!
And only recently got my hands on it because the movie will be out soon

*signs* it seems that all movies are based on books these days...
I miss those original screen writers whose ultimate purpose was to create a piece that is meant for visual art.

but since we're talking about retelling fairy tales (Beastly is an edgier version of Beauty & the Beast)
I would just like to say that I'd kill to get a copy of Francesca Lia Block's "The Rose and the Beast"
yet another retell of Beauty and the Beast

I want it so bad because I love FLB,
I've always loved her writing, I collect her books, I'm a fan on her FB page,
She's known for her brave use of imagery,
and honestly when I read her books, I can smell everything that's written in the story.

sorry for being bookish, I will move to another topic now...

so today I finally had my own day since my holidays started.
I was in a better mood,
My mood was all over the place yesterday partly because I couldn't deal with ______ *fill in the blanks*

anyway, I got the sleep I deserved,
and I told myself that I was going to bury myself in all things Eclipse today!

just want to mention,
that I'll be seeing it a little early than planned,
because I just can't wait until friggin' 8th July,
so I've put in some effort to make sure that I get an earlier screening,
if God wills it then I will get to see it before anyone else here does! haha!

so since the movie's coming out soon,
there are a lot of press going on,
and I just wanted to catch up on that.

turns out,
it's so hard to keep up,
I mean there are new press junket interviews coming by the hour!
and trying to catch all of them takes a lot of my time,
I mean they are popping up online as I type!
everything is available online!

I'd post some of the videos here but there are just too many of them!

but other than that, I'm glad that I can get into the madness once again,
I feel very happy and content because I'm able(free enough) to do so :)

on another note,
my holiday got to a good start in terms of my "productivity" area,
but it's always like this in the beginning,
I'd get so psyched to start working on something new the second I have the time!
then as more time passes I get lazy and all is neglected.

I have like tons of unfinished projects,
I've tried everything,
planned out every single step so that I'll always have something to do,
when that doesn't work, I think it's because I take everything too seriously so I go easy on myself and even then nothing works!

I'm babbling, sorry...
but I recently started writing once again,
I've been writing two nights in a row now,
and I'm very happy to say that I'll continue to do so tonight.

it's just that for these next three days,
it's not going to be about me,
or I'll be preoccupied with something else,
which always leads me to straying away from what I planned to do.

I hope that doesn't happen.

I hope I'll return to what feels right for me...

I want so badly to talk about some mythological aspects that I've become interested in

but I'll save that for another day :D

wrote something tonight so I'm very pleased with myself :) don't really know why I've been feeling sleepy these past nights so I'm turning in early tonight!

The Runaways movie review

the original Runaways:

actors portraying them:

I saw this movie twice. The first time was purely out of anticipation. The second time was so that I could compare to my first viewing and actually write a decent review about it (my first one to date!) so the movie opens with Cherie Currie (played by Dakota Fanning) getting her first period. From then on, I guess everyone should know that even though this movie has strong feminism themes, it is still not the kind of movie you want to show at a slumber party. That scene quickly changed to another one with an introduction to Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) asking to buy men’s clothes. But personally speaking, I was really looking forward to this movie... like seriously looking forward to it and I can’t help but be a little bit disappointed with it. I know that it’s full of sex, drugs and rock n roll but honestly, it was not the WILD kind of sex, drugs and rock n roll. It wasn’t too physically R-rated. Verbally however, was another story. I know that their producer Kim Fowley (Michael Shannon) was known to be a monster but I didn’t expect him to be such a drama queen about it. He said obscene things that were far worse that anything you could expect to happen physically. So I guess the overdramatic script writing was just totally packed with sex, drugs and rock n roll. I loved how when he would shout at the girls they just laughed at him. There are a lot of things about this movie that I love but it sort of got ruined by the pacing. The Runaways were only active from 1975–1979 and they shot to fame instantly. Since the movie is based on Cherie’s autobiography called Neon Angel: A Memoir of a Runaway, the entire story was based of Cherie’s life in the Runaways. I’m also informed about that too, I knew that Cherie was only 15 and got crazily famous, redefined female rockers and initially fell off because fame proved to be too much. So basically, the movie started with the band forming, their short lives of fame and their fall. Sounds simple enough, but the pacing just made me go huh? I was enjoying her ride when she first auditioned for the band, I believed her, I felt that she had guts and then to suddenly become a pro during their shows was also something I found truly amazing. I was slightly disappointed in her fall though. I mean it was like she fell out of nowhere. Yes, it was too much for her and she suffered from exhaustion and all those were the things that could explain her fall but they were only in short periods of the movie. It was like one second she was rocking it on stage and the next she was falling. The real Cherie has also expressed that her mother moving to Indonesia affected her very much. I think that part was too short lived in the movie. We meet her mother once in the movie, she has one confrontation with her and that’s it. I’ve read reviews of how there are too many Cherie ‘staring into space’ scenes that were just a waste, I can’t completely agree because I understand that those scenes were needed to explain that she was breaking though I do wish that the staring scenes could be replaced with a more lively scene that can become a solid reason for her (as we’ve viewed it) sudden fall. So the pacing was a little off during the falling part, and a lot of other things could’ve been added but I guess you can’t fit much into a less than 2 hour movie. As for Joan, for me it was just 90% Joan but still 10% Kristen because her voice totally gave it away. She got everything else right, the clothes, the attitude, the walk, the hunch and especially the singing voice. But when she speaks (although they were Joan’s words) I still hear Kristen Stewart’s voice. Yes, it is impossible to change your voice, I’m not saying that! I’m saying that I was hoping for a full Joan transformation from her and I think she was nearly, almost there. Because it was Cherie’s story, Joan was not always in every scene but she indirectly played a very important part. I love the friendship portrayed between her and Cherie. Joan was like the lean-on pal but you can’t really notice it because she’s always acting so tough. The other actors were also great; I especially loved Stella Maeve’s portrayal of the late Sandy West. I will definitely remember her trademark “bitchin’”. I was a little sad that Robin (played by Alia Shawkat) didn’t have any lines at all in the movie and also by Lita Ford’s (Scout Taylor-Compton) character. It was like they were labelling Lita as the mean girl who hates Cherie when in reality, yeah you’re bound to get into fights but that doesn’t mean they didn’t get along at all throughout their entire careers. Overall, I still love this movie, I love the Runaways, I have a little bit of an issue with the pacing at the final part and of course I can’t expect a complete replica of the original Runaways. Instead I saw Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart, both are fabulous actresses nonetheless and I loved how passionate they were about this movie. I know they did the best they could but hey, editing could either make or break a movie right?

a little update

EXAMS ARE OVER!
and thus, my soul cleansing process begins!
I really, really, really hope that I will choose to spend this holiday productively,
by that I mean I will continue writing and I will keep trying to write!
and I hope nothing stops me, no excuses or anything that could bring me down.

whatever happens, I'll put it on paper!

because every memory deserves to be recorded :)

I don't think I'll be staying up for the game tonight,
but then again it's a pretty big game,
I might stay up for it if I can,

it's just I've been up since 6:30am this morning,
went to my exam at 9,
started packing at 11 was surprisingly shocked to see that I finished by 12,
then I was stuck/buried under all that dust for the next five hours!

I didn't take lunch so I was not feeling myself.
when I got home I stuffed myself with onion rings,
and found myself unpredictably sleepy after that,
even Mountain Dew didn't do the work!

then I instantly started writing,
I wrote my first movie review ever about The Runaways,
which will be my first officially written post for this soul cleansing process of mine! lol

will post it in a few mins... :)

this post is dedicated to you

you meaning Tim Urban of course!
cause I can do this now,
because he is able to get my blog updates if not my status updates as well...
why?

because he is following me now that's why!

remember when I promised that BIG, HAPPY post that I hoped would come soon?
where here it is!

because today, 10th June 2010 at exactly 3:50am in the morning,
I got this message,
"TimUrbanMusic is now following your tweets on Twitter."



hehe! yep, that's his twitter pic!

and so now, I thought I'd give some help to those in need of this particular help I'm offering.

since I'm so happy right now! I want to spread that happiness!

so I present to you...

A Girl's Guide to Get TimUrbanMusic to Follow You on Twitter:

1. Give up sleeping.
or at least, you'll have to give up sleeping healthily. I had my alarms/reminders set on 4am, 5am, 6:30/7am, 10am, 12pm, 2pm & 3pm everyday. so basically if you were napping, you'd have to get up every hour to log into Twitter to check if there are any latest Tweets from him. that's when I'm home, when I'm in uni I'd have to wait until 3am for the internet line to be clear and catch some sleep after that. then I'd have to get up again at 6am because the net is crazy fast during the morning. you get very little sleep... but it's sooo worth it!

2. Forget the local clock.
there is a 14hour difference between TimUrbanMusic and I. I am 14 hours ahead of him of course. so I sort of gave up on Malaysian time awhile back. basically when it's daytime there it's nighttime here and so on. so if it's 10pm here, it's 8am there which is a good time to log in and most importantly STAY logged in. Twitter always says that its "over capacity" or something... so it's very crucial that once you logged in, DO NOT log out because if you do, getting back in is the hard part because apparently Twitter cannot handle too many Tweets

3. Be aware of his Tweets.
since you are no longer sleeping and know better to stay logged in, there is absolutely no reason for you to miss any of his tweets. it's crucial that you reply every time he tweets and make sure your replies are good ones :) sometimes he's in a rush and is only on for a few minutes so only the most interesting questions will get answered by him! believe me, he has almost 12,000 followers and increasing by the hour! so sometimes when you're trying to reply this message will pop out: "Something went technically wrong, please try again in a moment" DO NOT wait for a moment to pass by before you reply him because he is loooong gone after that! it helps if you edit your reply by backspacing some text or adding more. *sometimes a double smiley face helps* it will also help if you reply to him multiple times because he basically gets like a million replies at a time and you can easily go unnoticed. budget your multiple replies, don't send 3 replies at once. send in one reply first then wait a couple of minutes, only when you get impatient of getting a reply back from him is when you should try again. oh and don't forget to add the words "follow me" at the end of every Tweet you send to him.

4. Deco your profile with all things Tim!
you'll get more attention from him if you have a swanky profile... especially if it's his face smacked right there onto your background! don't worry, Tim never thinks you're crazy (if he's said so he means it in a nice way) he thinks you're passionate and he is very aware of his fans' support. there is no better way to show your support from him than dedicating your entire Twitter account to him. my background is a very cute picture of Tim with Aaron Kelly hehe! they're all multiple pics stacked right there!

5. Never ever give up.
my Twitter was basically dead before Tim came along. then I tried and tried and tried so hard. I nearly gave up. I almost did. because, how long can you lose sleep over something like this? I thought it was never going to work. I knew I was turning into a zombie and neglecting all my other social activities and at the time, nothing came out of this. it was nearly impossible to get a reply or a follow from him. but the key is to never lose hope. Tim Urban loves his fans very much, he's just incapable of showing that primarily due to time. let that not be a reason for you to give up. keep on trying and trying and trying and you will succeed.

I tried for over a month and nearly gave up. but look at me now. I'm happier than ever! :D

2am

It's 2am something,
another endless night of waiting,
so I thought I'd throw in some more eye candy :)





mmmmm yummy aussie vampire bridge to the forbidden land!

two of his movies I'm psyched to catch:





since I gave away in "vampire" up there,
yeah I discovered him from eclipse,
but trying not to put anything eclipse-related in this post
which is kind of contradictory considering he IS in it! :P

there is this one awesome eclipse trailer that focuses especially on him
added note: in the book his character is only like one page long while in the movie it looks like he's one of the main characters lolz
because Hollywood needs eye candy! hehe!

anyway, what have I been up to?
this week was my final week of class for this short semester,
next Tuesday is going to be my final exam (which I have to remind myself to study for)
then it's a three week holiday or so,
I'm planning to have a getaway somewhere but can't tell cause it's a secret!

got back today and sent some relatives to the airport,
during this school break I'm gonna catch up with the cousins with some movies and outings
*yes, I'm making plans as if I didn't have exam next week*

and oh yeah, I caught snippets of the 2010 MTV Movie Awards :D
New Moon won Best Movie, Male & Female Performance, Best Kiss... did I miss anything?
and I heard Sandra Bullock kissed ScarJo or something...

btw, TL has been neglected for the past two weeks...
I'm sure the angry teen will return soon when she feels like it

goodnight world

break

my dream break would be to take a year off to just write and bury myself in literature, classic or modern. My lit knowledge is not so good partly because I can only embody one's work if I were given the time and a place where my mind can drift into it for hours.
Drop me in an abandoned island with nothing but books & I'll be completely content :)

Anyway,
My kind of holiday would be something like that.

with all the tension going on lately,
I thought I'd take a chill pill,
and look forward to relaxing days

which I'm counting,
is less that 14 days now

Guess I should start studying no??? :P


Talking about holidays,
I would really to take some time off,
and I'm hoping to use that time off productively.

hopefully I won't be ridden by stress of my own expectations,
I would really just like to escape to somewhere,
where I can take my own sweet time to enjoy the places I go to.

I'd love to take slow walks,
relax and rebuild myself.

I don't like the kind of holidays,
that are filled with activities from morning til night!
especially activities I don't enjoy

for instance,
I don't really like tour groups,
I don't like the idea of being forced to follow a group of people and follow a schedule of what to visit,
and have limitations on those visits because we have other things to see :(

I like to explore,
but I'd like to stay at a certain locale in a foreign place for more than ten minutes,
which is something I don't get to do if I'm following a rushed touring group.

let me have my time,
to enjoy the scenery, breathe in the atmosphere, and be amaze by the wonders of what this place has to offer.

I hope I will be able to do that someday.

when it comes to putting this into logic,
I can't just be dropped into my own personal island to relax right?
so that is why...

if i were to go on a holiday

I want to go to Greece!






I think there is something so fascinating about a place with a lot of historical meaning to it,
this is what I mean by taking hours to explore!
I just want to go there and stay for a very, very long time,
learn new things, embrace it, fall in love with it and make the most out of my stay :D

no rush right?

so far...

I have taken being an introvert way too far...
I don't want to talk about "sleepwalking" anymore because I'm so sick of it!
then I realized I really have nothing to wake up to.

So I haven't blogged for a couple of days and boy, have I realized a thing or two.
I sort of told myself that the next time I blog,
it was going to be a BIG, HAPPY post filled with cheer and excitement!

I try to be excited about this one thing,
but I haven't gotten there yet.

so far... I'm still as clueless as before.

Last night I think,
I was handling an audition,
Well basically all I had to do was sit and say to the people who came to write down their name in this form.
it could've easily been a one person job,
but I did it with Kenny anyway.

I sat there for two friggin' hours!
Good thing I wasn't alone or else I would've been bored out of my skull!

So that night I met a few new people,
And I'm not one those girls who can immediately jump into a conversation with people she just met.
I've been advised by someone who is aware of my current introvert madness situation...

"Expand your network, expand your horizon. meet new people"

Instead, I just sat there, listened to music, chatted with friends I already knew and sang a bit.

I look up to people who could really put themselves out there,
like when an opportunity comes they'll just go "sing me up!"

Yep, I admire those

as for me,
I always and always over think things
no good has ever come out of that

sometimes I feel like I just want to slap myself across the face and tell myself to not think twice for once!

I stay put and I'm perfectly comfortable with it

until I realized that I've accomplished nothing by wearing this attitude that I've held for a couple of months.

It didn't happen on purpose,
Like I said I had nothing to be excited about.

and then to come home,
and hear the "latest news" of what's going down with my family :(

week after week...
and all I end up with is nothing

absolutely nothing.

well on a high note,
I found out something that could make me feel good.

I never realized how the natural way of the universe can play such a part in making you appreciate the little things.

I hardly ever if not never not do what my father and my brother tells me.

from making them a snack to handling their taxes...

I never used to do this a couple of years ago,
I used to be a whiny kid and they'd have to tell me several times before I got off my ass and do it.

Recently I embraced the fact that I am a daughter,
an only daughter,
who should definitely play her part as a woman in the house,
by not disobeying the men.

I'm not saying that men overpower women or anything,
it's just after some consideration,
I know my part,
daddy and abang have all the rights to ask me to do things for them as a daughter and a sister.

and you know what?
it feels amazing and good,
to be able to help them out,
and doing it willingly for a change without complain.

because when it comes right down to it,
these two are the men of my life... right now,
and I have a responsibility to them.

It might sound selfish,
that doing all this actually makes me feel better,
when I should do it without a reason,
but I try...

at least I'm trying to be better day by day while I can't get the hang on everything else in life.

some of the things they get me up to:
1. coffee
2. laundry
3. docs
4. cooking (if they suddenly get hungry)

basically it's all the basic stuff that I didn't realize I should've been doing until now.
but most of all,
I've learn to prevent myself from talking back to them when I'm reluctant or just lazy to make tea or cookies or whatever.

that's the positive part :)

just now I almost gave up on writing,
because everything else is just not going right

I really don't know when I'll get it all together again.