WOW have I got loads to update about today,
starting with the continuation of my previous entry,
which you might remember I talked about this certain conflict/argument I had.
well, it ain't over yet,
it's amazing how a lot of things can happen in just one weekend.
so let me get this started,
(I should warn you, this story does not have a happy ending)
Before the whole thing blew over I decided to take the high road by not talking anymore.
eventually, someone was going to have to win this argument and from the looks of it it's not gonna be me :(
I didn't exactly admitted defeat,
I just stopped responding... because honestly, I thought it was pointless to go on.
and I hoped that the best would come out of my silence,
it did... for a while.
the whole issue was put to rest and I was just getting ready to look forward to more and more happiness when all of a sudden IT ALL CAME CRASHING DOWN ONCE AGAIN!
I was in the car when this outburst happen,
and I had no idea that that one single comment would make me wanna punch and kick my door open and just get out of there,
tears were forming behind my shades.
but as usual, I held it all in,
I wanted to get out so bad I thought I could almost do it.
oh well, so I felt incredibly bad for the rest of the Saturday,
my mood wasn't in the right place,
I was surrounded by good company on that nice weekend night and I didn't get to enjoy myself one bit because this thing kept bugging me.
when it was finally over,
and I could finally take off my fake smile,
I climbed into bed,
and I didn't realized that I cried so hard til so late at night. (it was getting close to 3am)
I didn't even know when I fell asleep.
but oh yeah,
another thing that came out of it,
due to my frustration I tweeted the following on that late night:
"i was so happy. I'm mad at you for ending that just because you think you have the right to strangle me to death!"
"i feel as though i'm suffocating. You don't trust me so u'll bound me til i'm dead right? U dont even trust me to make one move on my own."
"u nvr ever listen to me. U think that's healthy because everything always has to go by ur order, ur ways."
"to you i'm not allowed to have a say in anything. Even if i say one tiny thing you get seriously offended!"
"u dont trust others with me. U dont even trust me! I can feel the rope tight around my neck bcos u wanna tie me to u for life!"
"u think u're always right. No 1 is allowed to tell u that u're wrong. Might as well seal my mouth bcos u think it's better that i don't talk"
"i cant hate u bcos i have to respect u but u're making it very difficult 4 me 2 do that"
yeah, I had a lot of anger that night,
and all I could do was tweet.
to make it all better,
the following day everything was the complete opposite.
the issue was dropped as if it didn't happen at all,
but I know this more than anyone,
if you feel any guilt whatsoever the best way to get yourself out of it is to be extra nice :D
I don't necessarily agree with that,
especially when it was all "you can have whatever you want today!" kind of way.
but nonetheless,
the person was actually trying.
though I didn't buy it,
in fact I couldn't even pay enough attention to it because I was in so much pain!
this pain I'm talking about now is fully physical,
I was struck with a bad case of food poisoning on Sunday.
and I felt horrible,
I threw up constantly (God knows I hate throwing up!)
but then it got me thinking,
could all of this be happening because I did what I did?
is the universe trying to give me a sign in this sick, twisted way?
well, I'll tell ya. you got me thinking about it.
and now I'm sitting in the corner all by myself thinking of the things I've done while I suffer the consequences of my actions.
I'm being punished,
I think that's the fair way to view it.
so this is not very happy & cheerful at all is it?
then I'll sidetrack it now.
RIGHT NOW
everything is under control,
I'm on meds, I'm getting better, still a tiny bit mad but I've got days to get over stuff like this.
I'm sure in the end it'll all blow over ;)
okay HAPPY HAPPY! LET'S BE HAPPY AGAIN!
