I feel like I've stumbled onto a bottomless pit situation,
completely unmoving, uncertain, dead...
I don't get it,
all the little stuff has been taken care off,
that everybody completely forgot about the big picture.
big pictures are obviously a thousand times more important than the little stuff,
no matter how many little stuffs you do, no matter how perfect you make it seem or how hard to make sure they're done.
you're satisfied that you paid enough attention sure,
but how long will that satisfaction last until the big picture comes knocking on your door?
a student's life is so predictable,
somewhere along the road you're gonna get buried by assignments,
at some point you'll run out of ideas of what to do & how to solve this,
I say it's predictable cause...
one way or another it's all going to come to an end.
I mean, how long can a semester torture you anyway?
deadlines mean everything will end
whether it ends good or badly it will end anyway.
I honestly think this time,
there is a huge explosion waiting for me at the end of this tunnel.
*another reason we do this is because we think it's our future self's problem and that your present self might as well have fun while we can. but doesn't our present effect our future? hehe! just a thought!*
another fact,
a lot of things has happened lately which made me think about how I present myself,
well let's just say
it always starts with a girl.
or in this case... girls
girls are complicated
girls are emotional
girls have mouths... so they talk
sometimes they talk about things you don't really want to hear
but they talk, nonetheless, regardless of what month it is.
let's just say the recent talk (thank God it's not about me)
got me to thinking about possibly taking better care of myself,
or at least how I act around others.
so should I be extra careful, extra nice in order to avoid these knives known as girls' mouths?
on the other hand, paying extra attention to everything I do and say around others makes me think if I'm keeping my real self at bay.
it's sucks,
I don't like pretending to be something I'm not,
yeah I'm not perfect,
sometimes by being myself I might hurt people's feelings.
but if that means that I'll stay true to myself and not change into someone else,
then that's fine with me.
not all change is bad though,
change is good,
change helps society,
change is in fact needed depending on the situation.
if there is a bad trait about yourself that most people don't like then it's probably a good idea for you to consider a change.
there is a difference between being true to yourself and continuing to act horribly towards others just because it's what you're used to.
being true to yourself means that you are not lying to yourself.
you are who you are and that is the person you will carry with you til you're dead.
there's probably more to it than that but I'll just leave it there.
anyhow, another thing that's been boggling my mind like crazy.
I tend to think about this thing that we have to go through,
do you realize that it only happens once a year?
that you only get to experience this extravagant thing for 30 days out of a year only?
if you do then you'd understand why it's so special to me and why I've altered a few activities.
some people ask to me why do I want to be so righteous this month?
they argue that I shouldn't even bother since when the month's up everyone's just going to go back to the way they were before.
so yeah, I admit,
I'm not the best person/role model/example,
I'm not very bright,
I'm not that cultured,
but is it wrong that I'm trying to be good because I feel like I should?
and I'm not using this month as an excuse.
a month later you might see me and that I've gone to my old ways,
you'll say I just wasted it all,
you'll just say how useless my act was for this particular month cause I just threw it all away.
well you know what,
I don't have to explain myself to you,
I choose to do what I'm doing because I feel like it's the right thing to do!
and regardless of what happens in the future, I have no control over it,
no one can predict the future.
so screw you for thinking that I'm wasting a month,
get over it.
I think that faith is between you and God,
it's the most personal thing out of all the personal things you can have,
that when it comes to a point where you feel sad about something regarding your faith,
you turn to no human because nothing what human says can make you feel better,
it's the most personal relationship you'll ever experience.
and it shouldn't be judged by what's on the surface.
