I thought I was going to update with something a little more chipper,
something light and happy to express the week I've had
because that is the week I had
but today was just too... ugh
okay, so it hasn't been the best couple of days,
but it hasn't been the worse because I held on to this thought... that it isn't going to get bad just yet so I should enjoy myself while I can.
and I did,
I woke up every morning with a smile,
I ended every night with a happy thought,
completely satisfied with myself,
I had reason to,
I actually felt content.
but today, oh God, it just ruined everything,
ruined my happy, good, positive mood that I've enjoyed being in for this week.
uh, though I do know that sometimes you have to make sacrifices
in this case I had to choose to lose.
there was this heated argument between me and 2 other parties (I don't want to name names)
now, I've always viewed every argument from a different perspective (as in I'll be the watcher not included in the argument)
and I always get an unbiased, fair say without offending anyone.
I try to be as general as possible,
I try each day to not take sides,
but that only happens when I watch.
when I'm part of the argument though,
and I think we all can agree on this,
the first thing that pops into your mind is "I'm right!"
of course you want to be the right one when you're fighting,
you want to win,
it doesn't matter if you're wrong,
you just don't want to give in and lose and let the other person be right.
even though after awhile you can take yourself out of it,
see things more clearly,
and make better judgments,
you can't deny that in first hand,
when you start fighting back you want to win like hell.
I guess that got a hold of me today,
I immediately overreacted and said everything I could come up with to prove that I wasn't the wrong one.
in the end, it was just a case of misunderstanding.
I was on the verge of tears today :'(
I didn't think,
I hated being wrong,
so I fought back as hard as I could.
until now I still can't see how one actually wins in one of these things
long story short,
2nd party made plans with me while I was crazy busy (this week has been a crazy one)
then that party had to cancel on me and told me to go ahead with the plan with 3rd party.
3rd party set the time and I made arrangements to try to make it but made no promises.
I couldn't make it on time because I was depending on someone else to get me there,
because I couldn't possibly go there myself
so 3rd party went mad,
and I fought back by saying how I thought it was a bad idea in the first place
(remember 2nd party made plans when I was clearly not into it)
and that I made no promises to be there on the time which the 3rd party had planned,
I made sure it sounded clear that there was a slight possibility that I might run a little bit late.
heh, I was only an hour late.
so 3rd party went mad and canceled on me.
I felt unsatisfied so I rang up 2nd party and complained,
I got yelled at for - if not for nothing - something that I didn't even say yes to in the first place.
AND THEN,
2nd party went on to tell me to try to get 3rd party to go through with it,
hello?
I just got an earful and now I have to be the one who does the convincing!
I refused obviously,
so then 2nd party went on to tell me to calm down, not to worry, everything was going to be alright.
which is exactly what you need to hear when you were boiling up like me.
yes, I overacted,
I'm only human,
we all are.
but it's all in the past now.
thinking about it again really does make me ask the question,
"who actually wins?"
DONE
a few random facts about me :)
I'm a layered person,
I don't trust people easily,
the ones I do trust, my friends and family,
I will die for them and love them wholly.
I can make you feel loved in ways you could never imagine.
it will be like nothing you've ever felt like before, you'll be surprised.
goodnight.
