*headache*
I just wanna sit in my room and study till my senses stop recognizing other needs and the only time I'll stop is when I'm trully, pain-riddenly exhausted!
fall flat and sleep!
the reason I'm stressing about this is because if I don't do well this semester,
I'm pretty much screwed.
and I'll be blamed on in all shapes and sizes in every way possible.
trust me,
it'll be from the second I wake up in the morning
to the tiniest detail of my lifestyle.
if this goes wrong,
EVERY SINGLE THING I did before will be at fault.
but nooo!
apparently I can't sit peacefully in my room surrounded happily by books,
no, I must be interrupted,
I must be bombarded with all sorts of probs.
there had been a situation when I was sitting with a book and I was literally yelled at as if I was doing something wrong!
If I don't study it's a crime,
if I DO study its also a crime!
so to simplify this, basically this is what I have to do in order:
1. listen
2. study
3. get good results
I can't always listen and when I don't,
studying is also used as an excuse to yell at me...
I'm stressed out,
my heart is not completely it in,
and I'm being forced into directions I don't wanna go regardless of how I feel about it.
my opinion is not needed,
I only exist to respect not to speak,
if I speak I'm being rude.
if I keep being forced to go to ways I don't wanna go,
without even asking me how I feel about it
or even wondering if I'm okay with it in the first place,
I think I'm gonna lose it.
so onto the bright side,
I've never been this happy :)
but happiness comes with a price of course.
and I'm sad because I just started to feel happy
and it's like there are a hundred things trying to snatch that happiness away from me :(
why won't they just let me be?
why do they have to feel threatened by my happiness?
are they afraid that I might forget about them?
why is my happiness being used as a punching bag that they can use to blame me for everything I lack?
they don't even look at me in the eye to see if I'm alright.
they act like they care when I'm happy but when I stop paying attention to them for a second, they drill me to the bone and all sorts of accusations are thrown to me.
*bright note*
I wake up happily every morning to you wishing me good morning :)
I fall asleep happily every night to you wishing me good night
I like it that way,
it makes me feel needed instead of needy for once
it's just the rest of the day that I have to face,
I can only be distracted for so long but the probs in reality still remain.
:(
