update

I feel vigorously satisfied tonight!
Part of it is because I finally got to engage myself in writing once more : )

I always feel so de-waitforit-lightful every time I get to write something so wholesome.
It feels emotionally satisfying to me.

Although this is not my own original work,
It’s an adaptation of the play titled “The Dollhouse” (The play my group has been assigned to perform this semester)
And I wasn’t the one who adapted it from the actual play,
That would be a very murderous attempt,
My other group mates went about doing that.
I only had to edit it.

But it feels just as good to know that the final product is finally finish and ready for production!

Other study updates have been the usual routine,
As usual I need a little push to get enthusiastic about the other subjects.

I can specifically count how many times I was able to pay attention in Mass Com class.
Most of the time I’d be sleepy, drowsing off, yawning, trying so hard to keep my eyes open.

I literally stopped caring about keeping up with two of my other classes just because I know that I’ve already presented.
The assignment for one of those subjects in nearly done, just need a final group discussion and briefing on topics we need to present.
The other class assignment I can pin down that it’s only 30% done. And that’s only on my part, I don’t know about the rest of my group members.

Both of these assignments need to be submitted two weeks before the semester ends and as usual, what goes through our heads is...”oh that’s a looooong time ahead of us, chill first.”

And then, do the work last minute.

Haish, when is there ever going to be a change in my attitude?
I always need that extra pressure to push me off the edge,
I can never do something just because I want to.

Maybe it’s because I’m not into some of these subjects.

Oh and Phonetics & Phonology,
I recently found out that I wasn’t the only one who is blur in this class!
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
For this one, I definitely need a push.
I can’t frigging get it through my head, can’t understand a single damn thing!

So while I feel absolutely unenthusiastic about all my other works,
All I can do is focus all my effort, energy and attention to the drama production.

I usually need more time to get into things, learn to know them and to love them.
I do have a passion for this.
Hope all goes well =D

*this is coming from a literature person, not linguistics person. So you do the math.*

And my romantic side has been called into duty,
Why is it so hard to explain love?
People can express it in many different ways and words which can instantly make you go “awww!”

For me,
This is as close as I can relate it to.
I think this song is what love really feels like.
It’s by Evenscence, I forgot what the song is called :p

I can’t run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
Though I try to forget you’re all that I am,
Take me home,
I’m through fighting it.

Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You’re my only strength.

Without you,
I can’t go on anymore.

My only hope,
My only peace,
My only joy,
My only strength,
My only home,
My only light,
My only love.

I can’t run anymore,
I give myself to you,
I’m sorry,
I’m sorry.
In all my bitterness,
I ignored all that’s real and true,
When all I need is you.

When night falls on me,
I’ll not close my eyes,
I’m too alive,
And you’re too strong,
I can’t lie anymore,
I fall down before you,
I’m sorry,
I’m sorry.

Constantly ignoring the pain consuming me,
But this time it’s gotten too deep,
I’ll never stray again.

quote

"it is hard but I guess in some ways being away from someone is always... if you really like them it makes... in a strange way makes it better because the more time you spend away, the more you're thinking about them, the more you want to see them again. I guess being away... leaving... not spending too much time together is always a good thing to do." - Robert Pattinson =D

scary

a lot of scary things have been happening since I moved into my new place.

stuff like broken windows,
literally they were fine when I got here,
then the locks broke n net thing that catches all the flies broke into two and whenever there're strong winds my window can easily be pushed open... yikes!

other stuff like my closet doors can open all by itself,
I swore whenever I leave my room I lock every thing up,
when I return I find things like that opened (when I know I closed 'em!)
and my other belongings suddenly being in random places where I never left 'em.

and don't start thinking that my mom might've walked in while I was away,
I lock my room every time I leave... I'm an extremely private person & I don't like people going through my stuff.

and I'm the only one who owns the key to my room,
unlike my old house there were copies,
for now, I'm the only one who gets a say in who enters and who doesn't.

like seriously,
I pile clothes in one corner and leave for the day,
I come back and suddenly they're scattered all over the place,
my window can open and close by itself whenever it feels like it.

and oh yeah, my toilet seat broke =(

huh... haven't settled in this new place just yet.

but on the bright side,
my days haven't been perfect (I'm getting to the bright side)
they're only okay,
some are even crappy,
but I'm very glad that I get to wake up happy every morning and go to bed happy =D every night hehe!

you are the best thing that's ever been mine.













you're my favorite song ;)

money

I have A LOT of things to pay for:

1.Phone bill – rm150++
2.Internet bill – only God knows how much it is, I haven’t received the bill yet but I’ve already exceeded my limit.
3.Uni fees – whoa! This one is a lot. Let’s just say education costs more than half of my savings.

And I’m sure there are plenty of more bills to come plus other things that I have to pay but the news has not reached me yet.
As if I’m not as shocked as it is,
I guess it’s what you get as you get older,
More responsibilities,
More things that you need to carry on your shoulder.

I expected that if I was going to be independent, I was bound to face this kind of stuff.
Little did I know that they were going to come so sudden and the amount nearly made me scream.

I hate this money-oriented society but I can’t help but accept the fact that we need money to live.

A few days ago I was having an argument about money,
(Yeah, it’s always an argument with me)
I was talking about how people shouldn’t make such a big deal about money and that money doesn’t mean everything etc.

Basically, I asked the parents for money to pay uni fees.
And I’m sure not everyone is as lucky as I am that I get to ask for this large amount on the spot.

But I had my reasons,
It was mostly because I knew we’re going through a smooth-sailing time right now,
Better than we usually are; better than we used to be,
Financially, we were doing well thank God.

So naturally I put up a fight when Mom told me she couldn’t give me the money at the time that I needed it.

I was like “What?”
I couldn’t believe she gave me that excuse,
All I could think about was why in the world was it so difficult to draw money out of the ATM and have it sent to me.
I thought about possible, RELIABLE transportation that could get that money to me.

But no,
No time... this is too last minute,
Mom told me if I wanted to settle it on my own I had to use my own money.

Fine,
I could do just that,
I had enough in my savings,
But it’s called savings so that I can save it for the future and not spend that large amount right now.
Guess I had no choice though.

That’s cool,
I was climbing the steps into independence.

Haven’t paid the fees yet but if worse comes to worse I don’t mind if I have to use my own cash,
How long am I going to keep asking for money?
I’m at the right age to start being responsible for my own being and financial matters, aren’t I?

Yeah, so that’s what I told her,
I could handle it, I’ll get it settled.

Then the first bomb hit,
BOOM! Phone bill!
Second bomb,
BOOM! Internet has exceeded usage.

The phone bill confused me for the longest of time,
Why, why did it reach that much during this time?
Did I overspend?
Did I even notice my phone activity changing from normal?
Even Celcom texted me with a warning.

Wow,
For the first time I’m having real-life money issues that I have to handle on my own,
That does not have anything to do with shopping :P

As for the internet,
It exceeded during merdeka night,
So I was left without internet (life) for a very long and torturous time.

Another thing that bothered me,
All my bills for this month (phone, internet etc) should reach my new house,
If it doesn’t then the people living at my old house will get my bills & letters sent to them.

Why, why does it have to happen this month?
Why do my bills decide to go crazy on the month that I’m moving?
When I don’t even know if the bills will reach me or someone else??

This is so frustrating,
I need to know how much I’m suppose to pay,
To do that I need to get my bills,
This has to be mailed to me TO MY NEW HOUSE.

Or else I’m just going to stay in the foreign, strange place and worry about money issues all day!

Remember, a house is not a home.
And I haven’t even slept there yet.
Dealing with money issues when I don’t even have a home can be a pain.

But hey, it’s something we all have to go through right?
Grow up,
Take care of yourself,
Be responsible for yourself,
Panic, freak out and then get yourself settled.

Hope all goes well :)

ps: tonight's my first night in this new house, new room, new apartment in Mont Kiara *winkwink*